You Can Be Free! Saying Bye-Bye to Tricky People & Finding Your Happy
Hello my wonderful friends! Have you ever felt like someone else is holding the strings, and you are just a little puppet dancing to their tune? Maybe someone tries to boss you around all the time, or tells you what to think and feel? It doesn't feel very nice, does it?
The lovely quote says: "Never let someone else control you."
Sometimes, we make a little mistake. We accidentally let someone who shouldn't have power over us... well, have power over us!
Someone who isn't kind or fair. Maybe a tricky friend, maybe someone else. We open our heart's door just a little bit, and oops! Someone not-so-nice walks in and tries to take over the house! If this happens, please know: It is okay! You can still find your way back!
You can gently close that door again. You don't have to stay in a place that feels yucky or hurtful (a "toxic environment"). Feeling sad about letting them in is okay too, but the most important thing is to find your freedom again.
What Do Good Friends Look Like
How do we know who is good for our hearts? Real friends, good friends, kind family, loving partners... they are like warm sunshine!
They give advice because they care, not because they want something back.
They cheer for you when you are happy! Alhamdullilah! They don't feel jealous or grumpy about your success.
They just want you to be happy and do well in life. They help you fly!
Feeling Stuck? How to Find Your Way Out!
But what if you feel stuck right now with a tricky person? It feels scary, I know. But you ARE brave! Here’s a little plan:
Write It Down: Get a paper and pencil. Write down all your feelings. How does this person make you feel? Sad? Tired? Small?
Look Ahead: Imagine your future. What good things might happen if you step away from this person? What bad things might happen if you stay? Be honest!
Read It Again: Look at your list. Really think about it. Does staying feel good for your heart in the long run?
Make a Brave Choice: When your heart feels sure, make your plan. Decide to choose YOU. Decide to choose peace.
Be Strong! It might be hard at first. But remember your list!
Sometimes we worry, "Oh, but what will they feel if I leave?" Guess what?
Often, tricky people who only care about themselves... well, they might not even notice much! They are too busy thinking about "Me, me, me!" Whether you are there or not, their world keeps spinning around them. So, don't worry too much about their feelings right now. It is time to worry about YOUR feelings!
Why Leaving is Good
The most important thing is to stop the hurt! No more feeling:
Sad and heartbroken.
Like you have to sit down and cry alone.
Like you are eating your own heart out (that’s ‘makan hati’!).
Small and silly.
Left out and lonely.
Like a servant doing everything for them.
Not special or important (Actually you ARE special!).
Lied to or cheated on (betrayed)
Have you ever felt like this? Like you are always the one saying sorry, always trying to keep the peace, always telling yourself "Be patient, be patient..."?
Maybe you try talking to them nicely about how you feel? But instead of listening, they turn it around and make it YOUR fault? Or maybe they say sorry just to make things quiet, but then they do the same hurtful thing again later? Uh oh. Ding ding ding! That is a big, flashing warning sign! You might be in a tricky, "toxic" place.
Trying to talk nicely often doesn't work if someone keeps making you feel bad. It helps to understand the different types of tricky people so you know when it's better to just protect your own peace.
YOU!
Sometimes our kind hearts feel sorry for the tricky person. "Oh, maybe they need my help! Maybe they are sad inside!" Maybe they do need help, but it is NOT your job to fix them, especially if they keep hurting you! Right now, the person who needs your kindness the most... is YOU!
Give yourself the hugs! Give yourself the patience! Save your wonderful helping energy for people who truly need it and appreciate it. You will feel it in your heart when someone really needs your help, not just someone pretending.
Our Mistake
Sometimes, we make a mistake. We think the tricky person needs our loyalty, our support, our love. We try so hard to make them happy. But the sad truth is... sometimes they don't even see all the good things we do. They don't appreciate how hard we try.
Tricky people sometimes like seeing us struggle. They don't really like seeing us win. If we do win, they might pretend they helped us! Sneaky! They like feeling like they are the boss of us. Don't argue! Don't tell them they did something wrong! Or they might ignore you for days!. Sometimes, they are like playground bullies, even if they are grown-ups.
Maybe they didn't get enough love when they were small? Or maybe they got too much attention? Who knows! It's complicated! But their hearts need to be treated like super fragile eggs, while our hearts get stepped on? That is not fair!
Do they care about your feelings? Do they ask about your day? Maybe sometimes... but often with a little sneaky, sarcastic sting? Ouch! That hurts right in the heart!
What Friendships SHOULD Be Like
Real friendships, real relationships, are like a beautiful garden. They need good things to grow:
Give and Take: Sharing, helping each other.
Kind Hearts: Thinking about the other person's feelings.
Caring: Asking "Are you okay?" and really listening.
Respect: Treating each other like special treasures.
If these things are missing... maybe it is time to leave that garden. Don't let anyone bully you, make you feel small, or make you forget who YOU are! You are amazing!
Sometimes tricky people pretend they are the ones being hurt! They twist the story around until you look like the bad guy! If this happens again and again... maybe it is time to say "Enough." You don't need that drama in your life. They think they are always right, and you are just a little game piece for them.
That is not a good relationship! The best thing? Walk away, and ask Allah to guide your heart forward, towards peace.
What About Me, Kak Mawar?
How do I handle tricky people? Well, I have a principle. I try to be patient. If there is even a tiny little bit of love or care left in my heart for them, I might wait. But... if Allah takes away that feeling? If the hurt becomes too much and the love disappears? Then, I am sorry, but it is time for goodbye. Goodbye to the sad memories.
Will I be friends again later? Hmm... they would need to pray very hard for my heart to open again! Hehehe. But honestly? Tricky people often don't see their own mistakes. They don't say sorry and really mean it. So, don't wait around hoping they will change! You might wait forever and get wrinkly! 😉 Tricky people often stay tricky.
In all my friendships, I try my very best! I give my whole heart! Sometimes, maybe too much! People misunderstand. That's okay. I feel sorry for people who think badly without knowing.
Me? I am actually quite picky about who I let close to my heart. My rule? My true friends, my "Mr. / Mrs. Right", must be someone who helps me walk closer to Allah's path. Someone kind and wise. Not someone who just pretends to know about religion.
My idea of being a friend is simple, like my teacher taught me: "The best people are those who bring the most good to others." Be someone who gives good things like smiles, help, kindness, etc, not someone who just takes.
BUT! Even I have a limit. If someone doesn't respect my feelings? If they stomp on my heart? Then the friendship bridge is broken. I will ask Allah: Please take away this heavy feeling from my heart for someone who doesn't deserve it.
Why? Because I believe... if someone here on Earth doesn't see your worth, maybe someone much more special is waiting for you in the Hereafter! Good friends, kind souls... beautiful things in Jannah (Paradise)! Isn't that a lovely thought?
And always remember: Here on Earth, Allah is always watching us. He sees us more clearly than any parent, any husband, any friend. He knows our hearts. He is our Creator, and we are His special servants. Being Allah's servant is the highest honor! More special than being a king or queen!
This world is just a short stop, like waiting at a bus station. Our real job here? Collect good deeds! Be kind! Do good things! Let's try, every single moment, to be good to everyone. Let's accept whatever Allah gives us; the tricky days, the happy days, the rich days, the poor days... and know there is a good lesson in everything. Always think good thoughts about Allah's plan.
May Allah always watch over us, protect us, and give us everything we truly need. Amin.
#spreadlove Putrajaya
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